my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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