Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
