So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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