My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
