You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
