toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
