rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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