It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
