Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
