Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
These tits shall not be calmed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
