got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
