Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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