Already got asked if we're dating
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
