Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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