She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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