I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
