So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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