im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
