Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
