Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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