I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
