My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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