new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
