party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
