I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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