are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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