she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
