I'm going to jail i love you
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
