The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
