glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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