More tranny stories later!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
