I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
