Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
