im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
