and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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