Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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