Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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