You really coming over, don't trick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
