Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
