um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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