i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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