Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
