I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
