I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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