either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
