All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
