Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
