Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
