Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
