Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
