Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
