ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
