I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
