I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
