Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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