Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
