Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
