I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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