don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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