3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
