Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
