Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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