he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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