I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
