You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Vodka?
Forever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
