woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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